conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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