I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
