I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
