Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
