It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
