You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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