These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
