i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize