The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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