tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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