apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
