Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
