I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
