Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
