JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
