idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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