im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
