Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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