what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
