Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
