I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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