Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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