I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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