DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
