Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize