In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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