At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
