I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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