Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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