I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
