my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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