she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
