I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
