Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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