kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
