how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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