I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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