i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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