I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
