I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
