When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
