i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize