A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize