he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
