CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
