moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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