I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
