if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
