you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
