making cat noises will not fix the situation.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she told me i tasted like america
No subtext here. People are naked.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
