WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
