ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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