90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
