I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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