I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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