dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
