i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
