Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
