Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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