WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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