Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize