Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
