I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
