I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
