If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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