I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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