Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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